10 11 2009

I was told once I was good at that game. Able to act and convey fake emotions easily. Deception and false answers, rolling off the top of my head like a conveyor belt on overdrive..

Somewhere deep inside, I kind of resent this side of me, one that can lie and deceive to protect the feeling of others, and to throw people off from my own feelings.

But on the other hand, I lie to protect their feelings, so they won’t know what kind of a battlefield my inner thoughts really is, and get hurt about it themselves..

So.. what exactly am I?



27 10 2009

I could have kept my mouth shut. But I didn’t.

I could have kept it hidden, but I let it out.

I could have denied it, but I embraced with all I am.

What did I get in the end?

Shards. of what it felt.


17 09 2009

Doing the yearly spring cleaning of my drawers and cupboards today. I came across a whole pile of old photos I stashed away because they were not relevant to what I was doing. Went through every single one. You know what they were?

Pictures from my secondary school days.

It was then that I realized that these are photos that are over or close to a decade old. FADZLI 10 years ago. When I look at me 10 years ago.. WOW. So much difference. Listed them down below:

  • I was a lot more tanned then. Now I understood why a few of my friends called me the unorthodox Tamil Tiger.
  • There was COMPLETELY no sign of my now-obvious tummy.
  • Back then, I didn’t have a hairSTYLE. It was just hair.
  • I had photos from Sec 1 to Sec 5. Each year, I adopted a new hairstyle. Yearly epic fail.
  • I was really short.

And then there was the photos of my other schoolmates.. whether it was at camps, pre-JT Jammers performances (OMG THIS I GOTTA SCAN AND TAG IN FB!), school gatherings, random shots taken by friends.. please take note, this was over a year ago, when digital cameras were like the iPhone among cameras that time. EVERYTHING was on film. The horror.

I realized that I’ve grown a lot since then. I mean, I do wish that I could go back and relive those memories.. it was fun being a 14-year-old without a care in the world. Right now, I’m 24 with plenty of concerns, just your typical young adult Singaporean. I think I’ve aged well. I’ve got my targets, and they’re all within range.. I’ve no worries at the moment! and I like that feeling.

I hope that if ever my younger friends come upon / stumble / stalk my blog and read this entry.. flood your computers with photos of who and what you are now. Keep them. When you grow older, you’ll realize that the photos will help you achieve what most adults fail to do, and yearn to do it.

Feel young again.


24 06 2009

I was telling Jocelyn yesterday, I needed inspiration to blog. I didn’t want to just like blog emptily, just put out a random pile of comments and thoughts and publish it. So here’s one that has stumped me for some time.

Okay. I bet you’ve seen this before. You’re walking down in town, happily with your friends or significant other, and then you come upon a group of “ruffians”.. notice the “”, because most of the time, they’re just decent guys with a weird taste in fashion. Let me explain. When you walk past them, they’ll have caps on. and they’ll look real good in them.. except.. why are the caps floating?

Yup. The renowned Floating Cap Phenomena. Does anyone REMOTELY know why the cap has to float? Usually when I see people wear caps, its all flat on their head, nice and neat, protecting your head from the burning effects of the sun. But what does a floating cap do? You know, when that fashion statement first came out, and I saw a bunch of 15 dudes (that right, FIFTEEN effing male teenagers) entering the train, with magically floating caps on their heads. IN DIFFERENT COLOURS! It was like seeing UFOs hovering above their heads. and I swear to you, as I was standing beside one of them, I surreptiously took a look inside the cap. ALL of them were wearing the caps with the mesh lining at the back, thus making the area around the back of the cap see-through. And there I was. Peering inside the cap, to look for answers I somehow felt wouldn’t come. It didn’t.

So I came up with a few theories on to what’s inside the cap.

  1. Food. Nasi Lemak, Mee Hongkong, Roti Prata.. the possibilities are endless.
  2. Polly Pocket figurine set.
  3. Pokemon cards.
  4. A Gremlin.
  5. Play-doh.
  6. Scrunched up Afro hair.
  7. A purple Smurf. Due to lack of air.
  8. A hamster. In a freakin wheel.

And to compound matters, I actually saw it. In a MUSIC VIDEO, of an American artiste. ITS SPREADING, PEOPLE. This guy, Karl Wolf, shoots his awesome music video in the land of oil-rich Dubai, drives a fantastic sports car, sits on a boat with his trophy girlfriend sipping god-knows-what.. and his effing CAP IS FLOATING.

Close up footage of floating cap on 2:00 onwards. SCREAM my friends. SCREAM.

Nice song eh? Saving grace, he flattened his cap after that.

You know what a bunch of these floating-cap-wearing-people remind me of?

Also known as Bash-in-floating-caps Game.

Also known as Bash-in-floating-caps Game.

You can just hear the game music in the background.. the game timer counting down.. and then the PIAK PIAK PIAK PIAK PIAK of the caps being flattened. Then followed by the sounds of your running footsteps and they chase you down. lols.

You know who should wear floating caps?? CONEHEADS!

This way to buy floating caps!

This way to buy floating caps!

Of course for them, its a necessity!

And I’m just posting this here, JUST BECAUSE she is extremely hot.

Okay. So I'm a fanboy. Sue me.

Okay. So I'm a fanboy. Sue me.


17 06 2009

Cristiano Ronaldo is probably making the WORST decisions in his career right now.

First. He’s moving to Real Madrid. REAL MADRID! The White Storm. Where the fans can just suddenly turn against you for just ONE bad performance. Forget about the 20 goals in the past 16 games.. bla bla bla. Look at Michael Owen. People forget he WAS from Real Madrid, where he did PRETTY WELL coming from the bench. Let’s see whether Ronaldo can perform as well as he did at Manchester United.

This is the one that really shocked the hell out of me. Cristiano Ronaldo is dating. Not just any supermodel mind you. He’s dating PARIS HILTON. YES. The figure that made sex tapes trendy all around the world. Check out the news here. Seriously I tell you. Even Cristiano’s mum is not agreeable with her. She thinks they can be the new Becks and Posh. Pui. Scary. I wouldn’t want to imagine the strains of STDs she might carry in her.

okay, moving on from disgusting news. I finally decided on the 2 places I wanna visit, or retire to, before I die.

New Zealand and South Korea.

New Zealand, you guys probably knew it already. I simply ADORE New Zealand. Just look at the Lord of Rings trilogy, was was shot in NZ. The scenery is FANTASTIC! Who wouldn’t want to wake up to this scenery every morning?

My room window view.

My room window view.

View from the other window.

View from the other window.

Hell yeah. Throw in the sheep too. Hari Raya Haji sacrifice.. MUTTON….

OK I bet the 2nd choice shocked you guys… a bit.

Other than my undying love for Korean female artistes Sun Ye WG, Yoona SNSD, Yoon Eun Hye, Goo Hye Sun, Son Dambi, Lee Hyori and Bae Seul Ki, I love the culture, the people and.. the countryside.

Don’t believe me? Check out this show called Family Outing. The show’s premise is simple. A group of celebrities (6 permanent cast with 1 guest) are sent out to the Korean countryside to help out a family with their household/daily stuff while that said family goes for a vacation. Besides the ensuing chaos and hilarity, the cut scenes showing the natural beauty of South Korea’s countryside is simply breath-taking. Check it out if you like to watch something really unique and laugh-all-the-time kinda fun. Follow this link here. Brings you straight to Youtube. The channel has english subtitles!

My fever has subsided. Thank goodness. I hope my appetite returns as well.

Naturally Rebellious.

11 06 2009

You know sometimes how your ear has this ringing sound whenever you stand too close to something loud, or, you stand right beside a bass booster stereo in a club? Well, I did the latter stunt yesterday at Rebel, and now my ears feels like Qifa Primary’s school bell ring. Its like perpetually recess time, all the time.

But I understand now why Samantha loves Rebel so much. Damn happening. I had to leave early though, and Marcus said the music got better later on at night. Was there with old primary matey Kuan Sian and his JC friends, Fiona and Jennifer. lols. The music was good, the atmosphere was good.. Rebel next Wednesday anyone? lols.

This morning, I had a very interesting conversation with a close friend of mine. She was relating to me her relationship problem, pertaining to communication. The problem was, the guy didn’t contact her enough. The worst case was when they actually went several days without talking to one another for like even 10 minutes, and with periodic SMSes (and when I say periodic, its more like 5 – 6… per day). The thing is, she’s feeling insecure about the whole situation, She doesn’t know what to do.

So I told her what most people would think makes the most sense. Tell the fella. See how he reassures you. And she pretty much said what I expected the reply would be; “Reassuring the girlfriend also need people to tell him?”

Okay, the thing is, all guys can be jerks, and they can be utterly chivalrous gentlemen. I admit, I can be a jerk sometimes, and then I have my good moments as well. How you define a guy that is good for life, is the number of jerk moments they have against the number of gentlemanly moments I suppose. Here is another fact: Guys are, surprisingly, humans too.

Which means, we have our bad moments on a regular basis. Ok let me take the abovementioned situation for example. Yes, I do admit that we guys have to be proactive in reassuring our partners that things will be fine. But the thing is, once that is done, and things are settled, the girl suddenly decides that the guy now is on autopilot mode, and would know know when and how to reassure her. That’s big mistake No. 1.

Remember I mentioned earlier that we guys are humans? Well, that’s because sometimes we need that occasional reminder too.. Just like how I know some of you love to hear sweet nothings from each other, this communication thing is an on-going tool too. We’re not psychics, so we definitely can’t read your minds. Not all guys are the same.. and some of us needs a reminder once in a while, in the form of a casual chat, or serious talk, or even an SMS or love letter. The thing is, we NEED YOU TO LET US KNOW. Eventually, we WILL go on autopilot, and you won’t need to remind us guys so often.

I got a feeling I know where this “my-boyfriend-must-and-should-know-when-to-reassure-me” concept is from. THIS DUDE:

No. 1 on a girl's wishlist.

No. 1 on a girl's wishlist.

If you’ve read the Twilight series (and I have, and I own all 4 books. Epic fact.), you’d know that this guy could practically communicate to Bella and reassure her, make her happy and all the like. BUT, unlike us, he’s a 100 year old vampire who decides to turn vegan with this uber good looking doctor and his family of vampires. See where I’m coming from? And I bet, the same concept can be found in countless other romantic dramas, movies, Korean and Japanese drama serials.

FACT: Those are all scripted. Whereas your relationships are not.

Knowing all these things, being on autopilot, being able to rush out and meet her at any point of the day.. bla bla bla.. kinda makes Edward like a robot doesn’t it?

Future Edward Cullen.

Future Edward Cullen.

Anyway, to continue with the story, I told my friend whatever I said above. and she said “OK, I go tell him for the 500th time”.

Besides implying that she actually counts the number of times she has spoken to him (which is waaaay into OCD), she’s saying that she’s been telling him A LOT of times about the situation, and he just ain’t doing anything about it. If that happens to you, then my female friends, all of you should do this:

Eunuch in the making.

Eunuch in the making.

Minus the horrifying look of wrath and anger of course. Not sexy. The look on the guy’s face is just.. fantastic.

What do you think? Not about the eunuch, about what I mentioned earlier. Makes sense? Fair?

Just try the communication thing. It’ll do wonders.

Mood = 0

6 05 2009

This is spastic.

Here I was, ready to blog about all the things I wanted to let out, when I saw something I shouldn’t have even LAID my eyes on.

Mood is GONE.


I HATE me.